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| Life is not all about working.... |
| 07.28.04 (6:00 pm) [edit] |
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Yesterday, both Ros and me spend an evening out again after our work. It was not planned to meet. She gave me a call all of a sudden after school and we decided to meet up. God must have known that I need a break! Yea! Praise the LORD!!! We went to Jurong Point. We had dinner there and we browsed around in the LIFE bookstore... I bought a Locust Inspiration Chart. It had this written on it "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." The words just hit my heart and felt that it spoke right to me. The flowers on the chart are one of my favourites too. I hope to be like the tulips.... to be able to withstand the cold weather and yet standing strong at times. I will be sticking this at my workstation today. Ros gave me a gift... she gave me a New Living Translation Bible. Now, in all, I have three different versions. Wow! She prays that the New Living Translation will benefit me just the way it has benefited her. I will be bringing this to my work place too. Sometimes I sat down and wondered..... looked back and reflected upon the many things that had happened. When I left my clinque, God brought Seraph to me to picked me up. When Seraph left, God brought Ros (His eternal Rose) to me. Am I so blessed in God's arms? Thank God for all! Now, without a proper cell group, I am learning and growing diligently under Ros careful guidance. In fact, my life have been made happier as I look forward to each outing with her. It's not a bible study session nor a cell group session. Basically, it is just a two gals outing. We shared so much about our day and relate it back to our dear Lord. This is the beautiful part! We learnt from one another. Don't just work like crazy. I have to balance a little of my life to recreation. To learn how to relax when I needed to and to work again when I have to. Then, think with the right attitude. Think simple when things are not so complicated. Knowing Ying and Ros, strikes a balance in my life. Ying and his gal are simple minded people, whereas Ros is a much matured (not too much of a deep thinker, as compared to Seraph) lady in terms of her thoughts. SO with them around.... it gave me a balance. WOW! Well... just see how I think in the future.... pray to see a change in me (in terms of my thinkings). Till then, I pray that all my friends will be joyful and of good health. Pray that Seraph is doing fine with those horrible assignments stacking up on him.... and he is joyful. He may not be able to read this... As long as God bless him well... Pray for both Ying and his gal's salvation. [LINE]
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| Had been better... |
| 07.24.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
Today I had a better life. Slightly better off and happier. I went out with Ros and we gals shared so much about what our dear Lord had invested on us... every outing had been a fruitful one. Not only did we share about our true testimonies but also encouraged one another through true Christ, our LORD!
I realised I am growing in terms of my spiritual life and spiritual walk with God... slowly and steadily... I want to rebuild my career again... to further my studies and to mature more in terms of my spirtual health before I am ready for the great plans my dear Father have planned for me. HE who provides will never fail. I wait upon Him with patience.
As for Seraph, yesterday's prayer did help me. I was not in misery when I saw him today. It was plainly silent and that's all. He's happy.... that's the most important. I would not hang on to what was already past. He had given up on me and I should not be a pest and kept haunting him. Leave him alone and carry on my life as normal. The rest will come as it should be. Fear no more as Lord is with me...through the good times and the bad.
As it goes... God spoke this to me..."Things may not seem to be perceived as it is now.... the present is unclear and the past has yet to be revealed..." One day, I will discover what all these meant.... Till then.. live a joyful heart as God do not want His children to feel unhappy.
[LINE]
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| Misery... a life full of unhappiness |
| 07.23.04 (5:15 am) [edit] |
Misery..... my blog have been down for so long and I just do not have the courage to read them again... so much memories here.... I should clean this blog up... rebuild my blog again.... Now, I am alone and I need this greatly.
LIfe have not been good ever since both Seraph and me broke off. I have also ended the fake love relationship with my good buddy. Just to spite Seraph.... my buddy--Ying suggested that we take a photograph before my school starts again and have it pasted up there on my desk. He will sure take a look and let him know that I have "given up" on him. (Know what... the neoprint both Seraph and me had taken is just behind the photograph which Ying and me had taken). Felt like looking at Seraph even though I am looking at Ying and my photograph. Ying and his girlfriend had been helpful. Well... now the rest is left to time to heal btoh me and Seraph. My heart is too tired to start a new one.... not at the moment. I have just applied for the SIM course. He'll be my senior in the course. I just want to set my heart to studies again. Let time heal my misery without him and let time heal whatever hurts I have left in him. Perhaps.... I am too easily obtainable? Perhaps... I am just not good enough for him. (tears flow down again)
Sighs.... My love for him is deep enough to just let him go. He insisted so much to leave me that he make sure Eric got he message across to me. He just could not wait to see me died my heart off him. I know he is stressed over his work. I could not do more for him but if he really want it this way, I'll have to do it... just for him. I swear my heart for him is true and I have not betrayed the love for him ever since we got together. I have never two-timed him. I am too naive... i thought that this time round he would not leave me... as he left me once and he came back again.
To plan a plot up to make it so real yet its fake. Sighs... my aim is to make sure he die his heart off me.... then he can concentrate on his work. That's what he wanted me to... to leave him for another guy as he could not provide. Sighs... but when I know that he saw the photograph and knew that Ying and I are "together"... My heart was like a knife piercing through my heart. Ever since I knew that he knew that I was "attached".... my heart felt so miserable. It is worst than having Seraph but he have no time for me. The feeling is so bad that I could not help it but felt so miserable each day.
Do you know... to leave him is also very heart pain??? It ended too suddenly... He told Eric we never started... How can it be possible? Never started?? Then why would he place me before him at times and to hug me before we part? To share his worries with me at times and to be there when I needed him to be? He told phyllis that he sensed challenge and he rather gave me up. Have he think of me?? My heart don't speak that way... so what there's a challenge? I only have the heart for him. He still doubt me? I never wanted a breakoff... I build dreams to be with him... How would I want to shatter my own dreams for both him and me???? I waited for him, supported him and in the end... I brought him hurts... Oh Man! What am I to do just that???
Everyday I worked like crazy just to immune the pain in my heart. But when its time to sleep.. my heart thinks of him. I miss him and kept recalling those days with him. Tears have been with me... through the dark nights and through the tough times. How I wish he did not sense any silly challenges along the way and he would not felt that way. Now, it's too late... we had ended.... ended in such a manner.... heart shattered.... still love him and miss him. But could not be with him anymore in my life. SIghs....
Know what?? Next month this day will be his birthday. I could not do anything to it.... I felt so bad....
A man who have interest to my heart but will not/dare not love me whole-heartedly.
A man whom he thinks the best way to love his woman is to set her free, especially when times he could not provide.
A man who prefers to be left alone to suffer in agony then to see two souls struggling.....
A man no other than someone who is a sword collector, like such movies "King Authur" , "The Last Samurai" and who is also a little child inside him. He is one man, whom I love him till heart aches.. till heart shattered....till heart find it hard to relive again....
No one but him.... Seraph..
need not see him to feel his presence....
heart feels the ache even when he's not around....
he dun want to see me and have been avoiding me....
heartaches to see him do this... as he need not do it....
he want me to stop it...... I do it! I have stopped it and supported his decision. Didn't it suppose to ease him???
Oh God.... heal me!!!! Remove my sins and wash me clean once again. Take away all the pains left behind in my heart and Seraph's heart. Just let ashes be ashes and dust to dust. I pray all these in the name of you...
Sms Eric... just a few minutes ago... let it be... let it be... just felt like talking to someone. Eric advised me to leave him alone. If he comes back to me, he's mine. Else, he never will. I replied him... He won't be back to me and I will not let him be. As I should not dare to hurt him again. To love is not to hurt.
[LINE]
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For the Month of December
To Do List:
- Catch at least 2 movies
- Gym sessions once every week
- Bible sharing every week
- Every Tuesday nite out
Schedule:
December 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Blade Trinity
2. National Treasure
November 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Polar Express
2. The Incredibles
October 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Wimbledon
Schedule:
September 2004
1: Teacher's Day
4: 1-wk Vacation Starts
5: Pilates[11]
5: Pilates[11]
6: Orchard(Sushi Tei)
8: Raffles Place(Sakae Sushi)
10: Hair Spa
11: Dira’s Wedding
12: 1-wk Vacation Ends
12: Kick-boxing[1]
17: West Mall(Sakae Sushi)
19: Kick-boxing[2]
26: Pilates[1]
26: Kick-boxing[3]
Movies Caught:
1.Garfield
2.The Terminal
Schedule:
August 2004
1: Pilates[6]
3: Play at DBS Art Ctr-Woman in Black
4: NIE(Collect gown)
6: Gym & Movie
8: Pilates[7]
9: National Day
10: Gym & Outing
13: NIE Graduation(SIS)
15: Pilates[8]
17: Yes! You stand a chance Seraph(2003)
17: Holland Village(Michelangelo's)
21: Submit Application(SIM)
22: Pilates[9]
23: Seraph's DOB
24: Orchard(DOME)
28: Teacher's Day Dinner(Suntec)
29: Pilates[10]
Movies Caught:
1.House of Daggers
2.The Village
3.The NoteBook
July 2004
I was Missing In Action
Recuperating from the broken Relationship ...
Movies Caught:
1. King Arthur
June 2004
I was Missing In Action
28: 1st day in School
Movies Caught:
1. Home on the Range
2. Shrek 2
3. Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban
4. Chronicles of the Riddick
May 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Van Helsing
April 2004
2: CT EL Obs(3)
4: Kickboxing[4]
5: CT Maths Obs(4)
6: CT EL Obs(5)
9: Good Friday
10: Brother's Birthday!
9: Good Friday
11: Kickboxing[5]
14: Sup Meets CTs
16: Last Day of Pract II
18: Kickboxing[6]
24: EED200 Report
25: Kickboxing[7]
Movies Caught:
1. 50 First Dates
2. Koma
March 2004
1: Gym Session
7: Kickboxing[12]
8: Mum's Birthday!
8: Gym Session
13: 1-wk Vacation Starts
14: Kickboxing[1]
19: My Birthday!
21: Kickboxing[2]
21: Outing(Seraph)
21: 1-wk Vacation Ends
23: CT Maths Obs(1)
24: CT Sci Obs(2)
26: NIE Sup Obs(1)
28: Kickboxing[3]
30: NIE Sup Obs(2)
Movies Caught:
1. The Haunted Mansion
February 2004
1: Hari Raya Haji
2: Outing(Seraph)
3: EED200 Grp Report
4: Outing(Seraph)
6: NIE Pract II Posting
8: Kickboxing[8]
9: HDB(Get keys)
13: Visit new house
13: Pals Gathering
14: Valentine's Day
15: Kickboxing[9]
16: NIE Bazaar
17: NIE Bazaar
17: ECM202 Quiz
18: NIE Bazaar
20: ECE202 Ind + Grp
20: ECM202 Ind
22: Kickboxing[10]
23: 1st Day(Pract II)
26: Outing(Seraph)
29: Kickboxing[11]
Movies Caught:
1. Peter Pan
2. Big Fish
January 2004
1: New Year
4: Kickboxing[4]
6: Appointment(Hair)
7: Outing(Seraph)
11: Appointment(Hair)
11: Kickboxing[5]
12: NIE Sem 4 Starts
12: Outing(Seraph)
13: Outing(Seraph)
14: NIE Bazaar
15: NIE Bazaar
16: NIE Bazaar
16: Outing(Seraph)
18: Kickboxing[6]
21: CNY Eve
21: Outing(Seraph)
22: Chinese New Year
23: Chinese New Year
25: Kickboxing[7]
28: NIE Pract II Briefing
28: Outing(Seraph)
Movies Caught:
1. The Last Samurai
New Year Resolutions:
- Continue to think positive
- Have at least an overseas trip
- Have more relaxations than work
- Eat healthy and exercise regularly
- Be more successful in my life and work
- Be more joyful and loving at heart than 2003
- Find my Mr Right and be more down-to-earth
- A new home, A new working environment, A new me! A fresh start!
For the Month of August
To Do List:
- Catch at least 2 movies
- Gym sessions once every week
- Bible sharing every week
- Every Tuesday nite out
Schedule:
August 2004
1: Pilates[6]
3: Play at DBS Art Ctr "Woman in Black"
4: NIE(Collect gown)
6: Gym + Movie
8: Pilates[7]
9: National Day
10: Gym + Outing
13: NIE Graduation(SIS)
15: Pilates[8]
17: "Yes! You stand a chance, Seraph"-2003
17: Holland Village(Michelangelo's)
21: Submit Application(SIM)
22: Pilates[9]
23: Seraph's DOB
24: Orchard(DOME)
28: Teacher's Day Dinner(Suntec)
29: Pilates[10]
Movies Caught:
1.House of Daggers
2.The Village
3.NoteBook
July 2004
I was Missing In Action
Recuperating from the broken Relationship ...
Movies Caught:
1. King Arthur
June 2004
I was Missing In Action
28: 1st day in School
Movies Caught:
1. Home on the Range
2. Shrek 2
3. Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban
4. Chronicles of the Riddick
May 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Van Helsing
April 2004
2: CT EL Obs(3)
4: Kickboxing[4]
5: CT Maths Obs(4)
6: CT EL Obs(5)
9: Good Friday
10: Brother's Birthday!
9: Good Friday
11: Kickboxing[5]
14: Sup Meets CTs
16: Last Day of Pract II
18: Kickboxing[6]
24: EED200 Report
25: Kickboxing[7]
Movies Caught:
1. 50 First Dates
2. Koma
March 2004
1: Gym Session
7: Kickboxing[12]
8: Mum's Birthday!
8: Gym Session
13: 1-wk Vacation Starts
14: Kickboxing[1]
19: My Birthday!
21: Kickboxing[2]
21: Outing(Seraph)
21: 1-wk Vacation Ends
23: CT Maths Obs(1)
24: CT Sci Obs(2)
26: NIE Sup Obs(1)
28: Kickboxing[3]
30: NIE Sup Obs(2)
Movies Caught:
1. The Haunted Mansion
February 2004
1: Hari Raya Haji
2: Outing(Seraph)
3: EED200 Grp Report
4: Outing(Seraph)
6: NIE Pract II Posting
8: Kickboxing[8]
9: HDB(Get keys)
13: Visit new house
13: Pals Gathering
14: Valentine's Day
15: Kickboxing[9]
16: NIE Bazaar
17: NIE Bazaar
17: ECM202 Quiz
18: NIE Bazaar
20: ECE202 Ind + Grp
20: ECM202 Ind
22: Kickboxing[10]
23: 1st Day(Pract II)
26: Outing(Seraph)
29: Kickboxing[11]
Movies Caught:
1. Peter Pan
2. Big Fish
January 2004
1: New Year
4: Kickboxing[4]
6: Appointment(Hair)
7: Outing(Seraph)
11: Appointment(Hair)
11: Kickboxing[5]
12: NIE Sem 4 Starts
12: Outing(Seraph)
13: Outing(Seraph)
14: NIE Bazaar
15: NIE Bazaar
16: NIE Bazaar
16: Outing(Seraph)
18: Kickboxing[6]
21: CNY Eve
21: Outing(Seraph)
22: Chinese New Year
23: Chinese New Year
25: Kickboxing[7]
28: NIE Pract II Briefing
28: Outing(Seraph)
Movies Caught:
1. The Last Samurai
New Year Resolutions:
- Continue to think positive
- Have at least an overseas trip
- Have more relaxations than work
- Eat healthy and exercise regularly
- Be more successful in my life and work
- Be more joyful and loving at heart than 2003
- Find my Mr Right and be more down-to-earth
- A new home, A new working environment, A new me! A fresh start!
For the Month of August
To Do List:
- Catch at least 2 movies
- Gym sessions once every week
- Bible sharing every week
- Every Tuesday nite out
Schedule:
August 2004
1: Pilates[6]
3: Play at DBS Art Ctr "Woman in Black"
4: NIE(Collect gown)
6: Gym & Movie
8: Pilates[7]
9: National Day
10: Gym & Outing
13: NIE Graduation(SIS)
15: Pilates[8]
17: "Yes! You stand a chance, Seraph"-2003
17: Holland Village(Michelangelo's)
21: Submit Application(SIM)
22: Pilates[9]
23: Seraph's DOB
24: Orchard(DOME)
28: Teacher's Day Dinner(Suntec)
29: Pilates[10]
Movies Caught:
1.House of Daggers
2.The Village
3.NoteBook
July 2004
I was Missing In Action
Recuperating from the broken Relationship ...
Movies Caught:
1. King Arthur
June 2004
I was Missing In Action
28: 1st day in School
Movies Caught:
1. Home on the Range
2. Shrek 2
3. Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban
4. Chronicles of the Riddick
May 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Van Helsing
April 2004
2: CT EL Obs(3)
4: Kickboxing[4]
5: CT Maths Obs(4)
6: CT EL Obs(5)
9: Good Friday
10: Brother's Birthday!
9: Good Friday
11: Kickboxing[5]
14: Sup Meets CTs
16: Last Day of Pract II
18: Kickboxing[6]
24: EED200 Report
25: Kickboxing[7]
Movies Caught:
1. 50 First Dates
2. Koma
March 2004
1: Gym Session
7: Kickboxing[12]
8: Mum's Birthday!
8: Gym Session
13: 1-wk Vacation Starts
14: Kickboxing[1]
19: My Birthday!
21: Kickboxing[2]
21: Outing(Seraph)
21: 1-wk Vacation Ends
23: CT Maths Obs(1)
24: CT Sci Obs(2)
26: NIE Sup Obs(1)
28: Kickboxing[3]
30: NIE Sup Obs(2)
Movies Caught:
1. The Haunted Mansion
February 2004
1: Hari Raya Haji
2: Outing(Seraph)
3: EED200 Grp Report
4: Outing(Seraph)
6: NIE Pract II Posting
8: Kickboxing[8]
9: HDB(Get keys)
13: Visit new house
13: Pals Gathering
14: Valentine's Day
15: Kickboxing[9]
16: NIE Bazaar
17: NIE Bazaar
17: ECM202 Quiz
18: NIE Bazaar
20: ECE202 Ind + Grp
20: ECM202 Ind
22: Kickboxing[10]
23: 1st Day(Pract II)
26: Outing(Seraph)
29: Kickboxing[11]
Movies Caught:
1. Peter Pan
2. Big Fish
January 2004
1: New Year
4: Kickboxing[4]
6: Appointment(Hair)
7: Outing(Seraph)
11: Appointment(Hair)
11: Kickboxing[5]
12: NIE Sem 4 Starts
12: Outing(Seraph)
13: Outing(Seraph)
14: NIE Bazaar
15: NIE Bazaar
16: NIE Bazaar
16: Outing(Seraph)
18: Kickboxing[6]
21: CNY Eve
21: Outing(Seraph)
22: Chinese New Year
23: Chinese New Year
25: Kickboxing[7]
28: NIE Pract II Briefing
28: Outing(Seraph)
Movies Caught:
1. The Last Samurai
New Year Resolutions:
- Continue to think positive
- Have at least an overseas trip
- Have more relaxations than work
- Eat healthy and exercise regularly
- Be more successful in my life and work
- Be more joyful and loving at heart than 2003
- Find my Mr Right and be more down-to-earth
- A new home, A new working environment, A new me! A fresh start!
For the Month of August
To Do List:
- Catch at least 2 movies
- Gym sessions once every week
- Bible sharing every week
- Every Tuesday nite out
Schedule:
August 2004
1: Pilates[6]
3: Play at DBS Art Ctr "Woman in Black"
4: NIE(Collect gown)
6: Gym + Movie
8: Pilates[7]
9: National Day
10: Gym + Outing
13: NIE Graduation(SIS)
15: Pilates[8]
17: "Yes! You stand a chance, Seraph"-2003
17: Holland Village(Michelangelo's)
21: Submit Application(SIM)
22: Pilates[9]
23: Seraph's DOB
24: Orchard(DOME)
28: Teacher's Day Dinner(Suntec)
29: Pilates[10]
Movies Caught:
1.House of Daggers
2.The Village
3.NoteBook
July 2004
I was Missing In Action
Recuperating from the broken Relationship ...
Movies Caught:
1. King Arthur
June 2004
I was Missing In Action
28: 1st day in School
Movies Caught:
1. Home on the Range
2. Shrek 2
3. Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban
4. Chronicles of the Riddick
May 2004
I was Missing In Action
Movies Caught:
1. Van Helsing
April 2004
2: CT EL Obs(3)
4: Kickboxing[4]
5: CT Maths Obs(4)
6: CT EL Obs(5)
9: Good Friday
10: Brother's Birthday!
9: Good Friday
11: Kickboxing[5]
14: Sup Meets CTs
16: Last Day of Pract II
18: Kickboxing[6]
24: EED200 Report
25: Kickboxing[7]
Movies Caught:
1. 50 First Dates
2. Koma
March 2004
1: Gym Session
7: Kickboxing[12]
8: Mum's Birthday!
8: Gym Session
13: 1-wk Vacation Starts
14: Kickboxing[1]
19: My Birthday!
21: Kickboxing[2]
21: Outing(Seraph)
21: 1-wk Vacation Ends
23: CT Maths Obs(1)
24: CT Sci Obs(2)
26: NIE Sup Obs(1)
28: Kickboxing[3]
30: NIE Sup Obs(2)
Movies Caught:
1. The Haunted Mansion
February 2004
1: Hari Raya Haji
2: Outing(Seraph)
3: EED200 Grp Report
4: Outing(Seraph)
6: NIE Pract II Posting
8: Kickboxing[8]
9: HDB(Get keys)
13: Visit new house
13: Pals Gathering
14: Valentine's Day
15: Kickboxing[9]
16: NIE Bazaar
17: NIE Bazaar
17: ECM202 Quiz
18: NIE Bazaar
20: ECE202 Ind + Grp
20: ECM202 Ind
22: Kickboxing[10]
23: 1st Day(Pract II)
26: Outing(Seraph)
29: Kickboxing[11]
Movies Caught:
1. Peter Pan
2. Big Fish
January 2004
1: New Year
4: Kickboxing[4]
6: Appointment(Hair)
7: Outing(Seraph)
11: Appointment(Hair)
11: Kickboxing[5]
12: NIE Sem 4 Starts
12: Outing(Seraph)
13: Outing(Seraph)
14: NIE Bazaar
15: NIE Bazaar
16: NIE Bazaar
16: Outing(Seraph)
18: Kickboxing[6]
21: CNY Eve
21: Outing(Seraph)
22: Chinese New Year
23: Chinese New Year
25: Kickboxing[7]
28: NIE Pract II Briefing
28: Outing(Seraph)
Movies Caught:
1. The Last Samurai
New Year Resolutions:
- Continue to think positive
- Have at least an overseas trip
- Have more relaxations than work
- Eat healthy and exercise regularly
- Be more successful in my life and work
- Be more joyful and loving at heart than 2003
- Find my Mr Right and be more down-to-earth
- A new home, A new working environment, A new me! A fresh start!
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